Do you love boats? Cruises? Miami? Seafaring? ’90s alt-rock? All of the above? If so, the Weezer Cruise is the vacation for you!

So, here’s what happens on this cruise: Weezer will perform twice. The boat will go from Port of Miami to Cozumel, Mexico. It will take four days. There will be other performances by other bands. But… it gets weirder.

On Friday, Rivers Cuomo reads from his book, The Pinkerton Diaries,

I’m not saying Weezer hasn’t had their moments, most of which we’re over a decade removed from, and that maybe it’d be interesting to hear Rivers Cuomo talk about Pinkerton. I mean, this was the follow up to the super-massive hit that was The Blue Album and it was generally hated by everyone at the time, and Cuomo’s reaction to that probably played a large part in the band taking a five year hiatus from, you know, making albums.

And obviously he still feels he needs to right that wrong, and almost certainly enjoys the vindication that has come as Pinkerton‘s reputation has pretty much fully recovered in the Internet age. But I mean, do you really want go on a cruise ship to hear a dude in his forties complain about how hard it was when “El Scorcho” was like, way underappreciated?

But that’s not nearly the weirdest thing about this cruise. Not even fucking close. Watch this video:

So far as I can tell, this song is about getting an abortion. On the Weezer cruise, these guys will “lead a belly-flop competition.” For reals. “And all the while I’ll know we’re fucked and not getting unfucked soon” indeed.

And I promise I’m not cherry-picking their most depressing song. Their other single, “Two” is, I’m pretty sure about dissociative identity disorder. In fact, their entire 2009 album, Hospice, is a concept album about a hospice worker falling in love with someone and watching her die. I should also say that Hospice is a truly excellent record and you should go get yourself a copy. But… there’s a time and a place for everything, ya know?

Do you want one more depressing anecdote about The Antlers that makes them seem even more unfit ? Apparently the lead singer wrote it while spending two years in “social isolation” in Brooklyn, which seems impossible.

But hey, cannonball!