Hey y’all,

I know that people are depending on me, but I just can’t set my mind back to the boring drudgery of actual work when I still have the inspirational words of Barack Obama’s address to the Democratic National Convention rattling in my head like an uplifting dryer ball of hope.

Basically all I’m going to do today is read articles that are like “Barack Obama Gave A Good Speech” and then go over the highlights of said good speech. (It was all highlights. It was a very good speech.) There will be articles about how he denounced not just Trump, but Trumpism, articles about how he stood up for American values, and articles about how Barack Obama’s values are America’s values, which since they’re my values, creates a nice and warm and snuggly feeling deep inside of me. I like that.

I hope to also find articles explaining that Barack Obama will be active on the campaign trail, and maybe even ones that posit an alternate theory by which he actually somehow is eligible for a third term. Someone please write that article, for I will click on it, even if I know I’ll be disappointed by the actual content that says nothing to justify the headline. Failing at that, I’ll settle for ones that explain how electing Hillary would be a de facto third term and ones project cool post-presidency jobs for Barack Obama such as NBA Commissioner and jazz lounge owner.

Most of all, I’ll spend today trying to feed a deep desire within myself to relive those glorious forty minutes of watching our President talk to America as if we were adults worthy of hearing a smart guy say good words in front of us, and sentences that include other rhetorical devices that we may never see from a President again, such as metaphor, anaphora and honesty.

I know I used a version this excuse last week after the Republican Convention, when I said I was to terrified to go outside or even use any electronics for fear that they were being controlled by radical Islamists determined to kill me and everyone who has ever tasted the sweet nectar of freedom, but that doesn’t make it any less valid, I don’t think. I hope you can be understanding during this exciting, inspirational, but most of all, unproductive time.

God bless America,

Jordan