Category Archives: Reviews

Who Hates Moneyball?

So, the movie Moneyball came out and… it’s actually quite good? Yeah, it is. A movie about using more detailed statistics to win at baseball is actually pretty good, even if it does feature a highlight reel of A’s hitters drawing walks at one point. Good on you, Aaron Sorkin & Co.

But not everyone is happy. In fact, pretty much everyone except Billy Beane, the roguishly handsome General Manager and Father of the Year has an axe to grind with this one. I rounded up everyone who felt wronged by this movie and have sorted their complaints in descending value based on merit. Here they are, in their own words.*

Mark Mulder, Barry Zito, Tim Hudson, Starting Pitchers

Zito: You guys know I won the Cy Young, right? That didn’t warrant a mention? Oh, no, I’m sure the reason the A’s won 103 games was because Billy found that nice Christian submariner. That was it.

Hudson: And the only time I show up is when I’m getting shelled by the Royals. The motherfucking Kansas City Royals. How will my grandkids believe I was a good pitcher when they find this movie of me getting shellacked by Neifi Perez and Luis Alicea?

Mulder: Here’s our combined stats in 675 innings: 57-21, 3.05 ERA, 1.18 WHIP, .85 HR/9, 6.6 K/9, 2.53 K/BB. Our collective WAR was 17.4. By comparison, that year’s MVP’s WAR was 5.2, which is less than our average.

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Goodbye, Yellow Brick Bro’d: The End-Tourage

I don’t know why I watch Entourage. It’s, I think, a comedy, but I don’t think I’ve ever intentionally laughed at something on it that was intended to be a joke.

Fat Turtle. Furtle.

It can’t be a drama, because it’s main character’s arc over the course of eight (8!) season is this: Vince gets cast in Queens Boulevard, it’s a hit, gets cast in AQUAMAN, it’s the biggest hit ever, though he doesn’t end up with Mandy Moore. Vince chooses Medellin over Aquaman 2, Medellin fails, he changes agents, then goes back to Ari. Vince doesn’t get to make Danger Beach, he does get to make Smoke Jumpers–except that he gets fired. Then: the saga that was SCORSESE’S GATSBY, followed by Vince having a drug/porn star problem that he conquers after like two episodes in season 8. Lastly, Vince has an interview with Vanity Fair and then marries the story’s reporter for no reason. He is always happy, especially at the end.

I defy anyone to describe any of Vince’s (non-physical) characteristics. Generally when the show needs viewers to feel a specific way about him, Turtle or someone says, “Vinny, you’re the nicest guy I know,” or “Vin, you’ve always treated us like family,” or “Vinny, you are so smart.” I honestly don’t even know if Vince was supposed to be an actually good actor. I’m pretty sure Aquaman would’ve been a hit without him, as evidenced by the studio’s willingness to replace him with the Prince of Persia: Sands of Time guy on the sequel.

So, why is this show so eminently watchable? I just don’t know. Nevertheless, here’s a glorious recap of the series finale.

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