Tag Archives: Buster Posey

Artisanal, Hand-Crafted Movie Recommendations

Mmmmm...anthropomorphic hot dogs
Mmmmm…anthropomorphic hot dogs

As the most beloved living film critic, people often ask me if they should see a movie, and for me, the answer is always yes because I like to have people to talk about movies with, and don’t really care if you waste two hours of your life on Black Swan or whatever. Still, in the interest of being somewhat helpful, here’s pretty much every movie I saw in 2013 as well as a description of what kind of person should watch these movies.

You should see this movie if you…

The Vanishing (1988)

…like the idea of you and a loved one being buried alive.

L’Enfant (2005)

…think poverty is a problem only if it happens to attractive French people.

Kid with a Bike (2011)

…think poverty is a problem only if it happens to attractive French kids.

La Haine (1995)

…think poverty is a problem only if it happens to attractive French kids in black and white.

Festen (1998)

…find it plausible that a big party could continue as if nothing happened after the host is accused of child molestation.

District 9 (2009)

…believe that comparing black Africans under apartheid to hideous bugs is helpful somehow.

Upstream Color (2013)

…think not enough movies center on piglet murder.

A History of Violence (2005)

…like your murders arbitrary and awesome.

A Prophet (2009)

…want to spend three hours being REALLY EXCITED about a guy slowly infiltrating the Corsican prison gang while growing a mustache.

Cries and Whispers (1972)

…wonder if being surrounded by bright red walls all the time keeps you from being awful and miserable (it doesn’t).

The Seventh Seal (1957)

…want to see chess with death!

Bicycle Thieves (1948)

…like Italy, but hate the persistent image of it as “fun.”
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Everything You Need to Know About the 2012 World Series

There’s a lot that goes into winning a World Series, much of it having to do with baseball. Instead, let’s evaluate the other things that you need to know about America’s Team, the San Francisco Giants. The last time I did this, the Giants won the World Series, so obviously, I needed to do it again, only with more gifs this time (there are a lot of gifs).


The Tigers will send Justin Verlander, winner of last year’s AL Cy Young, and likely winner of this year’s award. Verlander has thrown up to 101 miles per hour this season and is currently dating Kate Upton. Barry Zito won a Cy Young ten years ago while playing for the Oakland Moneyballs, once dated Alyssa Milano and actually threw a 78 mile per hour fastball at one point this year. Here’s a graphic to make us all feel better about this:


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