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The Proposals Barack Obama (Foolishly) Didn’t Make In The State of the Union

Despite not living up to theĀ  great “Tell Me How My Ass Taste” moment of his presidency in last year’s speech, President Barack Obama has to be feeling pretty good. Also, he proposed a whole bunch of things like shutting down Gitmo, raising the minimum wage and so on. While very few if any of these things are likely to happen (because nothing ever happens), that’s all the more reason for President Obama to have used his penultimate State of the Union to lay out an ambitious agenda. (The following is to be read in Barack Obama voice for full effect. Make sure to include the pauses and applause breaks!)

It's kinda cool that we made this guy President, right?
It’s kinda cool that we made this guy President, right?

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